So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
