Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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