you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
