You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
