Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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