meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
