Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
