my phone needs a breathalizer
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can you bring me the toilet please
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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