we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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