I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
try to milk me bitch
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