mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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