i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
