My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
