very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
how drunk are you?
Several
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
