Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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