I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
