What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize