I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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