Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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