did you get engaged???
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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