direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
