I have demons in me.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
