i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
