can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I need a beard to bite.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
