If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
