come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
so much tequila, so little girl.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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