I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
