I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
