Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.

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(619): View more from California

i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs

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(407): View more from Florida

official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations

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(619): View more from California

Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.

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(425): View more from Washington

Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins

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