I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize