I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
