dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
