My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's the barista slut.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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