Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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