Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
