2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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