Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
