Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
