i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
