Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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