Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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