Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
