Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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