did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
