So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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