Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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