I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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