I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
