Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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