I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
