need another drink. this is the easiest way
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
