i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
