you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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