The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
