Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
