my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
