I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize