i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
