I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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