Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
