So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My ass is underappreciated
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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