stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
