just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
