omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
