found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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