It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
