dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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