Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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