A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
