It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
