What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
