I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize