so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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