Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
