I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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