very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
