hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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