you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
