It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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