i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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