Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
