I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
