Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
