Little spoons don't ask big questions
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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