she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
