We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
