I want to make a zoo with you.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
