just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Alive.
So much puke
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
