He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
