It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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