i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
