I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
