I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
